I'm sorry. A lot of people got upset.
(Sorry about last week's email about when some crazy psychologist said to our 15 yo student, “You’ll never have a j-o-b and you’ll always be sin-g-le.”)
People wrote back to me when they saw my email about a week ago. They said things like “I am shocked and angry that a psychologist would be so stupid as to tell a 15 year old that he will never have a job or a girl friend. I’m still angry about that.”
Um… should I say this?... It took me a day and a half to actually forgive that psychologist somewhere deep inside my heart. I haven’t even met her. But I had to realise that sitting around feeling angry with a stranger was sort of silly for someone my age.
GOOD NEWS: Plus, by then, we had already arranged for one of our staff (who is a successful adult with Autism and a job) to phone that boy up and let him know that his psychologist was totally mistaken.
SORRY: Part of me sort of wishes I hadn’t sent that email last week. Oops. I was trying to encourage parents - that your child can overcome the negative things people say. The world doesn't get changed by our collective outrage.
New skills will trump negative words in the long run.
My goal was to encourage you that your child has what it takes and even if a psychologist is that un-wise, that it doesn’t need to hold your child back.
So if that email caused you to feel upset and angry for more than 2 minutes, then I’m sorry. I really am. Let's not live angry.
Because here is what happens when you equip your child with new skills:
- Ally (11yo) felt upset with her social group, but she didn’t close her computer and run away and cry (as she had done every other time)… Instead she just waited till the end of the session and then fell apart.
- Jason (12 yo) who had never had a friend come to his place has had 4 friends come over in the last 2 months.
- Zach (20 yo) now hangs out with friends every fortnight on the regularly scheduled computer games night. The eat a lot of chips and drink a lot of Coke and stay up till way too late. But it’s socializing and it ‘s a huge leap forward.
- Jemma (8yo) went to her first ever birthday party that she actually enjoyed. No meltdowns… At least not to go in the car afterwards. But what a massive win, and mum was so proud.
- Kirra still has meltdowns, but they tend to last about 40 minutes now, not the 2 hours that her family were used to before she did Secret Agent Society.
- I literally could give you 150 examples, but that would be a long email.
These are just some of the everyday wins that we see all day every day.
The crazy psychologist who told our teenage student that he would never have a job or a girl friend probably spends too much time analysing things and not enough time equipping kids with brand-new skills. Maybe she just needs some encouragement herself.
If she sees what we see all the time, she would never have said that. Forgive her. And I'm sorry you if you got as angry as I did.
Michael Clark (Course leader for children & teens with Autism)
